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| Total Views: 4986 - Total Replies: 19 |
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| POSTED BY: admin on 03/08/2008 17:47:14 |
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This Great Pinoy JOKE forum is where you can post funny & clever jokes for other members to enjoy, please be advised that religious/political jokes are considered unacceptable if posted in a victimizing manner that disrespects a person or group of people. Make this an enjoyable part of the forum for others. Thank you.
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| POSTED BY: UKFOX on 03/08/2008 18:31:04 |
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Hi,
Umpisahan ko tong Jokes para akong first...LOL
pakainin mo na Dinuguan ang Manok dad: baby pakainin mo na ng Dinuguan ang Manok.
anak: Yeah Dad!!
dad: Oh baby napakain mona ba ng Dinuguan ang Manok.
anak: Dad ayaw nya pong kumain
dad: Pilitin mo baka pumayat.
anak: okey, okey
dad: okey naba yan?
anak: happy napo sya dad.
dad: very good, ano bang ginawa mo at naging masigla ang Manok.
anak: binigyan ko po sya ng puto...
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| POSTED BY: UKFOX on 03/08/2008 18:41:38 |
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Tunay na Chekwa...
Bago mamatay si Mr. Wong ay isa-isa nyang tinawag ang kanyang pamilya.
Mr. Wong: "Akyen junior 'ndyan ba?"
Junior: "Dito po!"
Mr. Wong: "Akyen panganay 'ndyan ba?"
Panganay: "Dito po!"
Mr. Wong: "Akyen anak na babae 'ndyan ba?"
Anak: "Dito po!"
"Akyen asawa 'ndyan ba?"
Asawa: "Honey, andito ako!"
Mr. Wong: "hey ano bato! Dito kayo lahat! Wala tao tindahan!"
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| POSTED BY: UKFOX on 03/08/2008 18:44:06 |
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Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy ang misis ko, kaya gusto
niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding
siya...
Jorge: Ano'ng resulta?
Tomas: Nabawasan ng sampung kilo 'yung kabayo!
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| POSTED BY: UKFOX on 03/08/2008 18:46:30 |
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Manok Uli!!!
Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano, madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.
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| POSTED BY: MAYUMI on 03/09/2008 15:37:55 |
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City Language
Ikaw ka BAGUIO-BAGUIO mo pa lang dito ang dami mong
CALOOCAN , kung DAGUPAN kaya kita dyan eh nagkanda-ILOILO ka,
tingnan mo nga yang shorts mo NAVOTAS na.
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GreatPinoy Ako,Ikaw Tayong Lahat...
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| POSTED BY: TINA_FAY on 03/11/2008 07:14:50 |
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Matalino talaga ang mga GreatPinoy
Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence. One from the Philippines, another from Mexico and an American. They go with a White House official to examine the fence. The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says. "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Filipino contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, " What? You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid? "Easy," the Pinoy explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico". The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the Fence.
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I LOVE 80's Music
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| POSTED BY: UKFOX on 03/20/2008 04:14:23 |
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DO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS ?
1. Use BE COOL and I'LL BUY in a sentence.
...The tourist went to Mayon volcano in I'LL BUY, BE COOL.
2. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
...(phone rings).....Hello? Who SCHOOLING?
3. Use AFFECT in a sentence.
...Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.
4. Use ADIEU in a sentence.
...If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you.
5. Use DECANTER in a sentence.
...You can order that medicine over DECANTER.
6. Use DELETION in a sentence.
...The balat of DELETION is crispy.
7. Use DESPISE in a sentence.
...Who baked all DESPISE?
8. Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a sentence.
...I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL
consent so he can go to the picnic.
AND NOW FOR THE FILIPINOS WHO CAN READ AND
UNDERSTAND TAGALOG:
9. Use BORROW in a sentence.
...Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.
10. Use CAESAREAN in a sentence.
...Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka, CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo.
11. Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.
...Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain, pero, ko-CONTEMPLATE.
12. Use ARTESIA in a sentence (if you don't know what this is, it's a
city [or street] at the L.A. COUNTY in CALIFORNIA)
...Nako naman, ang ganda-ganda nang bebot na yun, pero,
ma-ARTESIA.
13. Use CADET in a sentence.
...CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi. Ngayon, ikaw naman ang
CADET niya.
14. Use CARDIAC in a sentence.
...Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro noong isang gabi.
15. Use CENTURION in a sentence.
...Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay niya dahil sa kalokohan niya.
16. Use DEDICATE in a sentence.
...Pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong DEDICATE iyan.
17. Use DELICACY in a sentence.
...Bagal mo... DELICACY mahuhuli na tayo.
18. Use DEPRECIATE in a sentence.
...Sister, DEPRECIATE already, kaya pwede na tayong kumain.
19. Use DIFFUSION in a sentence.
...Brownout...siguradong DIFFUSION pumutok.
20. Use LAITY in a sentence.
...Taga "laity" si Imelda Marcos.
21. Use MENTION in a sentence.
...Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang MENTION.
22. Use ebonic word MOTHA' FUCKA' in a sentece.
...Iho mag-ingat, ka baka MOTHA' FUCKA'
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
23. Use SECOND THOUGHT in a sentence.
...Hindi pa bumibili ng bagong kotse ang mag-asawang si Pedro
at Maria dahil magse-SECOND THOUGHT pa daw sila.
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| POSTED BY: UKFOX on 03/20/2008 04:15:48 |
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TEACHER
There was this Filipino kindergarten teacher and she was teaching
her class how to do the hokey-pokey. She started off by saying,
"You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out, you put
your right feet in...." Suddenly one of the children said, "Teacher
you have to say 'foot.'" So the teacher said, "You 'foot' your right
feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out....."
USE THE WORD
A Filipino guy gets stopped by immigration at the airport.
Immigration tells him, "Use the words 'chicken not bread' in a sentence.
" The Filipino looks around, puts a bag over a woman's head and yells,
"Chee kennot bred! Chee kennot bred!" (accent on "she cannot breathe")
TEAM
There were three basketball teams: the White team, the Black team, and
the Filipino team. They all didn't know what to call each other. The
white team decided to be the "A" team and the Filipinos were the "B" team.
What was the black team? -the "E" team.
USE THE WORD
persuading:
Later this year, John F. Kennedy and his wife will celebrate their
persuading anniversary.
deposit:
When washing my hands, I always turn on deposit.
deficit:
Before going into the pool, I always check how dep-i-cit.
protestant:
I always get my apples and sag-ing at the protestant.
devastation:
I wait for the bus at devastation.
analyze and anatomy:
My analyze over the ocean, so bring back my anatomy.
tenacious:
Before playing tennis I have to put on my tenacious.
deduct, defense, defeat, and detail:
De-duct jumped over de-fense. De-feat first, de-tail last.
associate:
I looked in the toilet and a-sso-ciate.
Uno, dos, tres:
UNO! Dos tres are on fire!
diniguan:
I tried turning on the TV, but no matter how many times I try,
it diniguan.
penis:
Before you go out, penis your homework.
What's the ugliest cow in the world?
---Ikaw.
Did you know that Filipinos named Staten Island? They were passing
by on a boat and one said, "Is staten island?"
What did one Filipino monument say to the other Filipino monument?
---Is statue?
What's the deadliest gang in the Philippines?
---the "sini" gang.
MORE OF THE USUAL
TENACIOUS - I went to "The Athlete's Foot" yesterday to buy a pair of
tenacious.
CONTEMPLATE - I went to a party last night. There was so much food pero
co-contemplate.
CURTAIN and KITCHEN - Aray! Huwag mo kong curtain. Masa-kitchen.
PUNCTUATION - Daddy, pasukan na next week. Kailangan ko ng punctuation.
GUAVA - I just had a haircut. Masa-guava?
DEDUCT, DEFEAT, and DETAIL - Deduct jumped over defense but detail
landed before defeat.
DEPOSIT - Paki-check nga ang banyo. I think deposit is leaking.
ICE BUKO - Nagpagupit ako kanina, tingnan mo nga, ice buko?
PERSUADING - Kiko and Kikay got married on June 1, 1992. So last June 1,
1993, they are going to celebrate their persuading anniversary.
DEVASTATION - I wait for the bus at devastation every morning.
CONCLUSION and OPINION - (Pointing to a door): Conclusion, hindi opinion.
PAMPERS and PAPERS - At the gasoline station, I asked the attendant,
"Do I pampers or do I papers?"
DIFFERENCE and DIFFERENCES - If the royal family has a baby boy, he is
called difference; if they have a baby girl, she is called differences.
PROTESTANT - Apples, oranges, and other fruits can be bought at the protestant.
ANALYZE and ANATOMY - My analyze over the ocean so bring back my anatomy.
IRAQ, IRAN, EGYPT - Iraq is bigger than a stone; Iran is faster than a walk;
and Egypt is smaller than a truck.
PAUL, PAUL, PAUL, PAUL, PAUL - Paul, be carepaul; you might paul in the
swimming paul and make a paul of yourself.
CASHEW and SKATE - I want to have a tattoo sana cashew mukhang ma-skate, eh.
CUISINE - I hope you studied last night because our teacher might give a
surprise cuisine Math.
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| POSTED BY: UKFOX on 03/20/2008 04:16:56 |
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NEW "REAL" BUSINESS NAMES
Let the "pun' begin...
Jealous Neighbor, Hollow Block
Tapsi-Turbi (for tapa, sinigang, turon, barbecue)
Tom Cruz Grill
Sylvester Salon
Beery Good
Obeertime
James Tailor
Bill Gets
Dr. Sebago-in (shoe repair)
Austin Powers (mechanic)
Jaribee Chicken
Cainta Key Fried Chicken
The Fried of Marikina
WITH AN 'R'
First day ng klase.
Siyempre, magpapakilala muna si titser.
mukhang strikto, terror ala Miss Tapia.
Sinulat niya ang pangalan niya sa blackboard.
'Miss Pruke.'
Pigil ang hagikgik ng mga estudyante.
baka mapagalitan sila.
"My name is Miss Pruke. Don't forget.
With an R, with an R, with an R." stress ni
titser. "Bukas bago magsimula ang klase,
kapag meron akong tinawag, dapat alam niyong
banggitin ang pangalan ko ng tama."
Paglabas ng mga estudyante ng klassroom,
Inulit-ulit nila sa kanilang isip, "with an R,
with an R, with an R."
Kinabukasan, preparado ang lahat sa pagtawag
ng titser maliban kay Juan. Wala namang
ginagawa si Juan sa klase kundi mag-daydream.
kaya siya ang napansin ng titser. "Juan!"
Sigaw ni titser. gulat na tumayo si Juan.
"Yes ma'am?"
"Ano ang pangalan ko?"
Namamawis sa kaba si Juan. nakalimutan niya
ang pangalan ng titser.
Sabay sabay ang buong klase sa pagbigay sa
kanya ng clue. "With an R, with an R, with an R"
"Ah!" biglang naisip ni Juan, "Natatandaan ko na
ang pangalan niyo."
"Ano?" tanong ni titser.
"Miss Prekprek."
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