country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside.
      
      Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move.
      
      "Oh Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish.... please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"
      
      That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet.
      
      "Dear Lord, bless this food I am about to receive... in Jesus' name... Amen."

      Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
      Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"
      Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
      Esther: "I Feel Pretty"
      Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
      Moses: "The Wanderer"
      Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
      Samson: "Hair"
      Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
      Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
      Joshua: "Good Vibrations"
      Peter: "I'm Sorry"
      Esau: "Born To Be Wild"
      Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!"
      The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"
      Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"
      Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
      Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
      Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"

man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive, but blonde female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
      
      A little later she came out of her house again went to the mailbox and again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
      
      Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" My &&&& computer keeps saying', "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

 The Ultimate VIP 

he Pope has just finished a tour of the Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, he asks the chauffeur if he can drive for a while. Since the chauffeur really doesn't have much of a choice, he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.
      
      The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 MPH, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of the highway patrol in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.
      
      The trooper, seeing who it is, says, 'Just a moment please, I need to call in.' The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how he should handle it.
      
      'It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?' asks the chief.
      
      'No Sir!' replies the trooper, 'This guy's more important.'
      
      'Is it the Governor?' asks the chief.
      
      'No! Even more important!' replies the trooper.
      
      'Is it the PRESIDENT??? asks the chief.
      
      'No! Even more important!' replies the trooper.
      
      'Well WHO THE HECK is it?' screams the chief.
      
      'I don't know Sir.' replies the trooper, 'but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur.'