Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: "RETURNED UNOPENED"
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MISIS: Inday, napansin ko ang barong ni Sir mo, lagi na lang may lipstik!
MAID: Opo nga Mam, mukhang niloloko na TAYO ni Sir ah!
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
"VIRGINITY is not DIGNITY.
It's just a lack of opportunity!"
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TATAY: "Pesteng buhay toh!
merong kaldero, walang biGAS!
merong lampara, walang GAS!
merong gripo, walang taGAS!
dagdagan pa ng asawang walang huGAS huGAS!
paano pa? hehehe !!"
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A young man ask an old man.
"Sir, what is retirement?"
Old man: "Retirement is when you are replaced by a computer at work and a vibrator at home.."
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MISTER: (naglalambing, ki-ss-ing wife's shoulder) Hon, sigi naaaa...
MISIS: (naiirita) Bumabagyo!
MISTER: Ayaw mo yun, eh malamig? Sigii naaa...
MISIS: Ano ka ba, tanga? Di ka na nahiya!
Ang daming tao dito sa evacuation center!
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A farmer went to the river and saw five (5) nude girls swimming.
The girls protested, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Farmer: "it's Ok, I'm here to feed the crocodiles!"
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HEADLINE:
"Dalawang lola nag jogging sa plaza ginahasa!"
Kinabukasan...
Plaza nagkagulo!
Nagtrapik!
Libu-libong lola nag jo-jogging!
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A boss interviewed four girls for secretary...
He asked each one this question: A lady has two mouths.
What is the difference between the two mouths?
1st: One can talk, and the other can not talk.
2nd: One is vertical, and the other is horizontal.
3rd: Only one is hairy.
4th: Upper one is for my use, and the lower is for my boss.
THE LAST ONE WAS HIRED!!
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TANONG: Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na sobrang mataba siya ng hindi sya mababastos?
SAGOT: "uhmm, excuse me Miss.. Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?.."
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GIRL: Mommy, bakit yung bird ng neighbor nating kalaro ko parang champoy..?
MOMMY: Hahaha! Bakit? maliit ba?
GIRL: Hindi Mommy.. Maalat kasi eh!
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BANK TELLER: Your ID is valid and acceptable, clear photo, kitang kita ang kulubot at mga linya sa mukha, walang retoke...
LADY CLIENT: Gaga! Thumbmark ko yan!
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MAID: Ma'm, ni-ra-pe ako ng magnanakaw kagabi..
MADAM: Bakit di ka sumigaw?
MAID: Eh.. akala ko po si Sir, pero nung makadalawa..
Nagduda na ako!
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SA BOTICA..
CUSTOMER: (pabulong) 'Day, isang co-nd-om nga..
SALESLADY: Sayz Sir!
CUSTOMER: (nahiya) small lang.. hehehe..
SALESLADY: hindi Sir, sayz pisos ang isa!
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S-e-x is like a restaurant. Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service
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Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented? To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
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Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed. Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly.."
Tags: -ichatdlegend-
